I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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