I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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