ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
