I smell stomach acid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
