either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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