Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize