i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
