one might say we're banned from that church
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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