May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
