He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Barsexuality is the new black.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
