did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
