Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we're so committed to being not committed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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