there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
