I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
