I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
