He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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