Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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