He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
