you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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