my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
