I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
