just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
