Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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