i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
