i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
