so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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