yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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