we should wear snuggies to the strip club
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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