New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
