Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
