if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
