I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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