I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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