I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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