I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
