I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
