nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I could fuck to npr.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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