im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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