we're chasing vodka with high fives
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Congratulations! We have a period
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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