ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The power of my boobs compel you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
