jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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