Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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