Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize