there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
