i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
