Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
