So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize