can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize