what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
