btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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