not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we made out on top of his cat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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