why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
