Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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