i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize