it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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