My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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