we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
