you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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