i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
