I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
