you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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