I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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