you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need a burrito and a hug.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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