no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
