dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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