So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
