i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
