I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
