I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize