i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
