May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
