I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
