apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
