I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can't just leave with hair like that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
