Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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