Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
